Cats are not dogs. Dominating a cat is not something to maintain constantly, the cat's rightful place in the house pecking order is not going to be a rank the way it is for a pack animal. Dominating a cat is how to establish some boundaries with your cat in a way that the cat understands. When cats adopt you, they treat you as another cat. Sometimes they act like perpetual kittens, other times there's a reason people say "my cat runs my life." But it's possible to take that parental role and establish meaningful dominance for communication.
The simplest way to establish some dominance with cats is to raise them from kittens. Breeders sell kittens at twelve weeks old, but shelters adopt them out at eight weeks old. Kittens younger than twelve weeks can develop an extreme emotional dependence because you've been in a parental role during the age when they learn to socialize. Be sure your kitten has been raised by humans and understands human-cat interaction or you will have a harder time teaching this to an adult.
Kittens at five or six weeks are fluffy, passive, bumbling and dependent physically as well as emotionally. They can eat kitten food and use the litter pan but will constantly run back for reassurance. It's the age greeting card photographers get their best results, before they turn into Rocket Kittens -- but they need their mothers at this age to grow into psychologically healthy cats.
If you choose an older cat, seek one that's already socialized to humans and responds well to you personally. Does the cat look up to make eye contact? Does the cat purr when you approach, or lean against your hand? Will the cat come toward you if you make clicking sounds and scritching motions with your hand? All this is starting off on the right paw with a cat.
Purring means a cat wants to be social, is seeking interaction and affection. Cats will purr when they are sad or hurt, because they want the comfort of their family and clan members. When a cat or kitten enters your life, you are being adopted into that cat's family as a human member of the clan. Cats will adopt many other species into their clans. Cats who get along with dogs do so because they establish pack dominance over the dog by sitting higher and giving dominant body language. Dogs are comfortable with this if raised by a cat, it's psychologically stable.
Understand cat dominance. Cats are not pack animals. To function well, a hunting pack has a leader and the leader decides what the pack will do, the beta will give advice, the others follow and the omega plead and beg to be privileged with remaining in the pack. Dogs can be comfortable in the omega position. To a dog, being the omega in a great high pack better than all other packs is far better than being the alpha of a miserable pack of one.
To a cat, she or he is the alpha of the pack.
Cats do not work together. Cats work alone and socialize together in their off time. They sleep together, guard each other in the nest, socialize for pleasure, communicate, play, share food, establish safe den territory and have one sterling grace cat lovers learn to appreciate. A cat's reaction unless cornered is to walk away from an unpleasant situation.
Thus, attempts to dominate a cat the way a human would dominate a dog will often result in the cat walking away, tail high, pretending that didn't happen. Or severe discipline from the cat for crossing his or her boundaries.
You can win a stare-down with a cat. Even an adult cat. Even an adult cat who's used to winning stare-downs with humans. The result of winning a stare-down with a cat is usually that the cat will stalk away. A direct stare-down may be a territorial challenge. Within a clan, many different cats are establishing themselves constantly. Dominance is a fleeting thing. Who looks away first does matter -- but humans will look away a lot sooner than most cats until they understand this. It also helps to understand that winning a stare-down with a cat does not necessarily win your argument with that cat, or win anything but that moment's stare-down.
Don't try to enforce this all the time. Don't always look down first or always look away. Keep this to moments when the cat is clearly challenging you in areas that ought to be yours. The key to cat dominance is that a dominant cat is saying "This is mine." In the ephemeral way that sitting in a chair makes it yours, not necessarily the permanent way that you can't stay in this den any more. Too much aggressive dominance to a cat may convince the cat to move out, find friendlier accommodations. This is one of the pitfalls of relearning dominance behavior from human or canine to cat -- if you carry it too far, you convince the cat he's not welcome.
Toms are more likely to move on than queens. Female cats are the dominant gender among cats, but they understand this is not always the case with humans. Dominance is maternal. The dominant cat takes care of other cats. Food gifts to you are a cat's respect to you as the keeper of the den, and a recognition that you're family. It's symbolic now after thousands of years of human-cat interaction, but because cats hunt for their friends and family, cats learned to bring mice to humans.
To the humans this meant "See? I'm earning my keep, guarding the granary."
To the cat it means "I love you and you're family. You give me food, so I'll bring you something."
Only put in the effort to win the staredown with a cat when it's over something you really do not want to give that cat. Like not clawing your chair. Watch for boundary testing behavior, that is the time not to back down because you do have to live together on mutually agreeable terms.
Use sweet reason. I'm not joking. Cats understand what humans say a lot better than people credit them for, because their mouths can't pronounce all the words they know. Cats respond to their names and much more. Explain things to your cat in simple terms, but explain in adult language what's going on. Your cat may understand you perfectly and still disagree, but there is a start. Also remember that human-socialized cats do read human body language well, sometimes better than other humans do. Be truthful with your cat.
"We're going to move. See all these boxes? We're getting a new apartment. You need to ride in your cat carrier now, but when we get there I think you'll like the new place. It's got lots of room and windows with birds, it's going to be great." This is an example of how I talk to my cat.
Don't lie to your cat about things like going to the vet. Cats do understand the concept of lying and they'll distrust what you say if you break that trust.
Cats lie perfectly well themselves, but if you're honest with the cat you'll raise a cat who's honest with you.
If you have to stop a cat doing something you don't want her to, or pick her up to get him in the carrier to get him to the vet, here's where raising the kitten helps. Use the Kitten Grip. You are large enough that by sheer size you can establish yourself as Mom or Adult Family to Kitten.
Cats have loose skin on the back of their necks. Ever see cute pictures of mother cats carrying kittens in their mouths? Even adult cats have this handle, you can firmly grip the loose skin of the back of the cat's neck and lift. Get the cat off her feet fast when you do this. Instinct will make her dangle, slightly curled up, trusting you are big and strong and know where she should be at the moment.
The Kitten Grip is not as uncomfortable as it looks, and it's very comforting to a cat. It means being protected and taken care of. When the cat curls up and surrenders responsibility, you have completely dominated that cat in a gentle, affectionate, familial way that is entirely within cat instinct. Humans do this with their hands, you don't need to bite the cat's neck to do this.
Kittens at five or six weeks are fluffy, passive, bumbling and dependent physically as well as emotionally. They can eat kitten food and use the litter pan but will constantly run back for reassurance. It's the age greeting card photographers get their best results, before they turn into Rocket Kittens -- but they need their mothers at this age to grow into psychologically healthy cats.
If you choose an older cat, seek one that's already socialized to humans and responds well to you personally. Does the cat look up to make eye contact? Does the cat purr when you approach, or lean against your hand? Will the cat come toward you if you make clicking sounds and scritching motions with your hand? All this is starting off on the right paw with a cat.
Purring means a cat wants to be social, is seeking interaction and affection. Cats will purr when they are sad or hurt, because they want the comfort of their family and clan members. When a cat or kitten enters your life, you are being adopted into that cat's family as a human member of the clan. Cats will adopt many other species into their clans. Cats who get along with dogs do so because they establish pack dominance over the dog by sitting higher and giving dominant body language. Dogs are comfortable with this if raised by a cat, it's psychologically stable.
Understand cat dominance. Cats are not pack animals. To function well, a hunting pack has a leader and the leader decides what the pack will do, the beta will give advice, the others follow and the omega plead and beg to be privileged with remaining in the pack. Dogs can be comfortable in the omega position. To a dog, being the omega in a great high pack better than all other packs is far better than being the alpha of a miserable pack of one.
To a cat, she or he is the alpha of the pack.
Cats do not work together. Cats work alone and socialize together in their off time. They sleep together, guard each other in the nest, socialize for pleasure, communicate, play, share food, establish safe den territory and have one sterling grace cat lovers learn to appreciate. A cat's reaction unless cornered is to walk away from an unpleasant situation.
Thus, attempts to dominate a cat the way a human would dominate a dog will often result in the cat walking away, tail high, pretending that didn't happen. Or severe discipline from the cat for crossing his or her boundaries.
You can win a stare-down with a cat. Even an adult cat. Even an adult cat who's used to winning stare-downs with humans. The result of winning a stare-down with a cat is usually that the cat will stalk away. A direct stare-down may be a territorial challenge. Within a clan, many different cats are establishing themselves constantly. Dominance is a fleeting thing. Who looks away first does matter -- but humans will look away a lot sooner than most cats until they understand this. It also helps to understand that winning a stare-down with a cat does not necessarily win your argument with that cat, or win anything but that moment's stare-down.
Don't try to enforce this all the time. Don't always look down first or always look away. Keep this to moments when the cat is clearly challenging you in areas that ought to be yours. The key to cat dominance is that a dominant cat is saying "This is mine." In the ephemeral way that sitting in a chair makes it yours, not necessarily the permanent way that you can't stay in this den any more. Too much aggressive dominance to a cat may convince the cat to move out, find friendlier accommodations. This is one of the pitfalls of relearning dominance behavior from human or canine to cat -- if you carry it too far, you convince the cat he's not welcome.
Toms are more likely to move on than queens. Female cats are the dominant gender among cats, but they understand this is not always the case with humans. Dominance is maternal. The dominant cat takes care of other cats. Food gifts to you are a cat's respect to you as the keeper of the den, and a recognition that you're family. It's symbolic now after thousands of years of human-cat interaction, but because cats hunt for their friends and family, cats learned to bring mice to humans.
To the humans this meant "See? I'm earning my keep, guarding the granary."
To the cat it means "I love you and you're family. You give me food, so I'll bring you something."
Only put in the effort to win the staredown with a cat when it's over something you really do not want to give that cat. Like not clawing your chair. Watch for boundary testing behavior, that is the time not to back down because you do have to live together on mutually agreeable terms.
Use sweet reason. I'm not joking. Cats understand what humans say a lot better than people credit them for, because their mouths can't pronounce all the words they know. Cats respond to their names and much more. Explain things to your cat in simple terms, but explain in adult language what's going on. Your cat may understand you perfectly and still disagree, but there is a start. Also remember that human-socialized cats do read human body language well, sometimes better than other humans do. Be truthful with your cat.
"We're going to move. See all these boxes? We're getting a new apartment. You need to ride in your cat carrier now, but when we get there I think you'll like the new place. It's got lots of room and windows with birds, it's going to be great." This is an example of how I talk to my cat.
Don't lie to your cat about things like going to the vet. Cats do understand the concept of lying and they'll distrust what you say if you break that trust.
Cats lie perfectly well themselves, but if you're honest with the cat you'll raise a cat who's honest with you.
If you have to stop a cat doing something you don't want her to, or pick her up to get him in the carrier to get him to the vet, here's where raising the kitten helps. Use the Kitten Grip. You are large enough that by sheer size you can establish yourself as Mom or Adult Family to Kitten.
Cats have loose skin on the back of their necks. Ever see cute pictures of mother cats carrying kittens in their mouths? Even adult cats have this handle, you can firmly grip the loose skin of the back of the cat's neck and lift. Get the cat off her feet fast when you do this. Instinct will make her dangle, slightly curled up, trusting you are big and strong and know where she should be at the moment.
The Kitten Grip is not as uncomfortable as it looks, and it's very comforting to a cat. It means being protected and taken care of. When the cat curls up and surrenders responsibility, you have completely dominated that cat in a gentle, affectionate, familial way that is entirely within cat instinct. Humans do this with their hands, you don't need to bite the cat's neck to do this.
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